With the beginning of family life, people associate a happy stage in which the union of two people will create a comfortable atmosphere for each other in a cozy joint house. How many romantic plans are built by the fair sex from the mere thought of marriage! In turn, men form their ideas about the family and take appropriate steps to implement them.
Further, the following trends can be noted:
Some people manage to state the coincidence of desires and reality.
Others are faced with circumstances that they could not have imagined.
Still others, after living for some time and realizing that the decision to tie the knot with their partner was wrong, decide to divorce.
This article will address the following issues:
Reasons for family conflicts.
Ways of responding that lead to constructive decisions and actions.
The concept of personal boundaries and ways to preserve them
At the initial stage of family relations, some of the misunderstandings and quarrels may be related to the parents of the spouse.
Erroneous judgments that can bring the first failures in the relationship:
“My husband should understand that he now has his own family and he should not pay so much attention to his parents!»
It is worth considering one important nuance: he formed relationships with his parents throughout his life – from birth to the present. Creating your own family is an important area of life. It certainly occupies a significant place, but in no case does it replace what has been formed for decades.
The question is in another aspect: you need to initially discuss how the time will be arranged for each of the partners. Accordingly, the topic related to the time spent on the parents ‘ family should be one of the items. This applies to both partners.
“My wife spends a lot of time “hanging” on the phone, talking to her mother and sisters!»
At first, men may not indicate their dissatisfaction with specific statements, but they begin to accumulate negativity. No one can prohibit phone conversations, but a common understanding should be formed on this topic.
If there were no joint affairs or leaving the house at this moment and the situation does not involve haste, then the 10-15 minutes given to loved ones are not a problem. Usually, the irritation is caused by the situation in which any business is disrupted due to the fact that the phone conversation was delayed.
A useful rule: when you go into personal matters, you should think about whether joint plans are collapsing? Alternatively, you can coordinate this issue with your partner – either arrange for him to wait if something urgent arises, or reduce or reschedule something that was not included in the general plans.
There is a lot of controversy on the topic of how often to go to visit the partner’s parents. For this reason, even before entering into marriage, you should understand: what is the format of the relationship between your partner and your parents and are you ready to fit in harmoniously?
The second problematic topic of a young family is everyday life.
It is no secret that most men are not inclined to take on equal responsibility with a woman for the conduct of life and economy.
Let’s analyze a typical example.
A girl who got married a few months ago asked for advice. She talked about the frequent quarrels that arise from the fact that her husband does not help her around the house. Excerpt from the dialogue with her:
– He comes to everything ready. I clean, cook, wash, and iron myself.
– Did you discuss this issue with your husband before you started living together?
“No,” I said. I thought it would happen by itself.
– Your spouse lived independently for a long time. Who cleaned his apartment and did the housework?
“He always hired staff to do it. But when we started dating, I would come to his house on Friday after work and clean and cook for myself.
“Did the young man ask you to do this?”
– No.… I was so happy that we were in a relationship, and I really wanted to show him what a hostess I was…
In the end, she succeeded. Over time, the young man refused cleaning services, and it did not occur to him that the bride, becoming a spouse, would be dissatisfied with the duties taken personally.
What did they lack?
A specific conversation about what resource should be used to close the issue of cleaning and other household chores.
What mistakes did the girl make initially?
She was supposed to come to his house as a guest. Everything about her participation in everyday life could be discussed before starting family life.
She wanted her husband to help. But it should be borne in mind that he was not engaged in the house even at the time when he lived alone. Accordingly, it was either worth continuing the responsibility with joy and enthusiasm – or discussing the possibility of using the usual cleaning services for the spouse.
An important detail: a man will not guess if there is no specifics.
The issue of personal space and boundaries should also be discussed before entering into marriage.
Very often there are conflicts due to the fact that one partner does not let the other go on personal matters or interests.
First, you need to exclude two dangerous concepts:
To take time off.
From useful to replace with others:
Secondly, it is extremely dangerous to focus your attention exclusively on your partner while building a relationship. At the same time, many refuse to communicate with friends (girlfriends), do what they love and much more. When a family is created, the needs that were formed earlier begin to remind you of themselves. Accordingly, the person tries to activate them again and faces a negative reaction from the partner.
For this reason, when creating relationships, those components of life in which there were friends, sports, hobbies, should remain filled in the same volume. In this scenario, the partner will initially accept them.
By learning to respect each other’s boundaries, as well as discuss and make constructive decisions, spouses are able to build a strong foundation for a young family.